If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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