put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
