Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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