6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
