Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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