there's paper in my vomit.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
