are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
