break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
