fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just found a bag of teeth...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
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