his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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