I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
