are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
