Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When are your genitals available?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
