wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
