He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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