He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
