Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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