Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
