There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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