would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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