If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
