Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
How's work?
Spinning.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
