And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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