so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
In other news, I just burned my penis
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
