Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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