While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
