She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
