All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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