I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
