I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
