Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
