we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
