omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
