I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
