Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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