He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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