false alarm. still invincible.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
