I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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