so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
this hospital has no fireball
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
