My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
