Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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