are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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