hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
