is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
