I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
