I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
