Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
