Well apparently he's into motor boating.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
3pm strippers are depressing
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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