Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
