You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
