Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
