the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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