hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
