Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
