What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
